I don't know if this will come as a surprise to anyone, but I am not a Nicholas Sparks fan. You know, the guy who wrote A Walk to Remember, Dear John, The Last Song, and Confessions Of an Heiress. OK, that last one is Paris Hilton's memoir, but I'm sure Sparks had a hand in making that time she lost one of her Jimmy Choos comparable to losing a limb to a rabid chimpanzee/Iraqui IED.
Sparks is the master of making your crappy life seem like the plot line for the next Disney kid's movie, while also making Danielle Steel books sound as emotionless as a Geometry textbook. Has anyone actually verified that he does indeed have a penis? I think that could be a job for Mario Lopez's next Extra segment.
Let's take a look at some of the challenges and hardships that creep up in his books/movies.
1) A Walk to Remember- Leukemia, death of a spouse
2) Nights in Rodanthe- Death of a spouse, divorce, death by mudslide (Although, let's be honest, this is the best thing to ever happen to Richard Gere.)
3) Dear John- War, autism, stroke, cancer, death of a spouse
4) The Last Song- Divorce, arson, Miley Cyrus, stomach cancer
Crossing my fingers for a book about a 75 year-old widow who falls in love with a Wolf Boy, who has to move away to the circus, and their starcossed love affair. Best seller written all over it.
When someone tells me they are having a bad day, rather than empathize with them, I like to tell them to go and watch a Nicholas Sparks movie, and stop whining about their life. It's really what makes me a good social worker.
But even after all of that, I have something to confess. I love The Notebook. Yes, this Notebook.
It's something I have confessed to my bishop on many occasions. I am so ashamed. If it's on TV, I can't.not.watch.it. I am thinking about starting a Notebook Overwatchers Anonymous group. I know there are more of you out there!
For those of you who aren't familiar with the storyline of The Notebook (I'm looking at you, Satan and Rosie O'Donnell), it's about Noah and Allie, who have a brief summer romance when they are in high school. Noah is a blue collar kid, while Allie comes from money. What an original storyline!
Allie's family forces her to leave Noah, her one true love, and he later goes off to war. While he is gone, Allie gets engaged to another man, but reconnects with Noah and has to choose between her head and her heart. I just used 16 tissues, writing up that summary.
So, after watching The Notebook at least as many times as I have thrown plastic bags into the stream near my home, in an attempt to destroy the earth (meaning, a lot), I realized that I needed to know that Adam loves me as much as Noah loved Allie. It's a good thing I am totally shallow enough to make him prove his love to me.
And after this little experiment, I no longer have any doubts. Here are our four real-life Notebook moments:
1) Noah writes romantic love letters to Allie every single day, for a year.
Adam sends me sweet, loving text messages.
2) Noah rebuilds his father's old house to look just like what Allie wanted, in an attempt to win her back.
Adam draws me a picture of a house.
3) Noah takes Allie on an intimate canoe ride, in the middle of hundreds of geese and swans.
Adam takes me on a paddle boat ride, in the middle of about 20 ducks and seagulls, one of which tried to bite my finger off.
4) Noah professes his love to Allie, after the canoe ride, and they make out in the middle of a rain storm.
Adam professes his extreme annoyance for having to recreate this scene, while using a water bottle to simulate a rain storm. (Notice that the bottle is only pointed on me.)
So, there you have it. If that isn't a true, movie romance, I don't know what is.
Next up: Working on Adam telling me, "It wasn't over, it STILL isn't over!", when he goes to work in the morning. I am guessing it will take about 236 days for that to happen.