Monday, September 13, 2010

Baby Got Back


Several weeks ago, I had my very first chiropractic appointment. I injured my back sometime in college, when I was around 20-years old.

I'm not entirely sure what caused the pain, but I've narrowed it down to two events:

1) Lifting up a bus full of nuns and disabled children, after a harrowing car accident.

OR

2) Doing an inverted thigh hold/tail split, while pole dancing.

It was an interesting year.


Fortunately, I am not in constant pain, but my tailbone had been bothering me a bit in recent months, so I decided to make an appointment. I must also confess that I am a frequent neck/back popper. I know that people are really sensitive to hearing others do that, so I make sure I only do it in discreet locations, like staff meetings, during the sacrament, and bikini waxes.


I really wanted to make sure that I chose someone who was reputable and had only "allegedly" paralyzed 20%, or fewer, of his patients, so I made a highly informed decision, and picked the first chiropractor listed on my insurance.


I was totally confident in my decision, as evidenced by the following conversation with Adam, the night before my appointment, as we were laying in bed:

Me: "So, I'm probably going to end up being a quadriplegic tomorrow, or impregnated, like on that 'Lifetime' movie, after my appointment."

Adam: "Well, you are insured, right?"

Me: "I wouldn't be dead. I would be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, and you would have to pay to take care of me. I can't believe you aren't taking this seriously."

Adam: "You're right. I'm being insensitive. I would make sure you had the best care $2,000 a year could provide. I will also make sure to visit you at least once a week, which will be easy, once I'm driving my new Hummer, after I sue the doctor."

End scene.

He's so lucky I'm not prone to dramatics.

I made sure to do my research before arriving to the appointment, by looking up "Chiropractor" on Google Images.


After seeing the previous picture, I decided to arrive topless. I had a feeling I was going to be a big proponent of chiropractic care.

They escorted me into the doctor's office, where I had to watch a seven minute video about chiropractic care. I believe the title of the video was The Lady Doth Protest Too Much. The video tried to convince me that chiropractic is perfectly safe, and that I would not end up with any type of spinal trauma. Or with a broken neck. Or dead. Or with a face like Mickey Rourke. It was very comforting.

I was also given a packet to look over, that explained the different techniques used, what kinds of problems chiropractic care treats, etc.

As you can see here, the pictures and information were completely up to date:


I am thinking this picture was taken right before she shot J.R.

And then I came to this picture:


Now, we all know how I feel about babies. I think that machetes and anthrax are perfectly appropriate children's toys, but even I was shocked to see that adjustments are done on babies.

After taking a couple of x-rays, it was determined that Betty White and I have the same back. And breasts. Sob.


Apparently, I have Degenerative Disc Disease. The chiropractor told me the disc above my sacrum is almost gone. (I do not recommend saying "sacrum" in mixed company.)

After paying $150 out of pocket, the chiropractor doing some move where I had to do this:


and receiving electroshock therapy to my back, the good news is that I will only need to see the chiropractor three times a week, for the rest of my life, at $35 a session, and name my uterus, and my left ovary, after him. I would say that's totally reasonable, which is why I've been completely ignoring all his calls.

I will say, that since that session, my back has been feeling slightly better, and more importantly, I went from looking like this:


To this:


I just named my right ovary after him, free of charge.

206 People Who Really Wish They Had a Snuggie:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 206   Newer›   Newest»
CountessLaurie said...

Dang, girl. You are smoking hot now. And I was worried that I would be all embarrassed about the squeezy weird maneuver he did to you. I can see that it's totally worth it.

But on babies... come on. Now that seems like a rip off. Sheesh.

Saimi said...

Haha Absolutely love the before and after picture! Where can I sign up!

I wonder, did you have to go nude while demonstrating your pole dancing?

UK Yankee said...

That squeeze position is perfect for accidental purposeful sexual harassment.

I'm so glad Adam took your concerns seriously. But could he sue the doctor if you got pregnant?

T said...

If I can look like that I'll name BOTH ovaries after him.

I'm sure it doesn't matter if they're used shriveled ovaries right?

ManOfTheHouse wanted to be a chiropractor once... he changed his mind - and yet he still gets to do electro-shock therapy on his patients... best of both worlds.

Jerilee E. said...

I must say that this didn't ease my fear of the whole Chiropractic medicine field. Strange, I know.

Going topless DOES put me at ease, though... so maybe it's not so bad.

Bethany said...

Youch! I sometimes love visits to the chiropractor and sometimes hate them! LOL. My mom had to go three times a week for a loooong time, it was a pain (ironically, it did help with her back pain...)

Mae Rae said...

heck, i am signing up for Chiropractic sessions. I look too much like Quasi and want to look like you.

JustRandi said...

Wow! You get to go topless AND come out looking like that!?
Sign me up!

Mrs. Organic said...

Really, I think being a chiropracter is one step above a dentist as far as inflicting pain.

brainella said...

My L5 is problematic for me and my doctor is constantly talking about my sacrum, which I did not know existed until I started seeing him in July. He doesn't recommend pole dancing as a good form of exercise. :)

Me (aka Danielle) said...

The move pictured above is one of my favorites...really. I buy into the fact that once you've had a chiropractor adjust your back, you have to keep doing it. Man, I sure feel better after each visit. I really should consider finding a new Dr. Though, I go in looking like Quasi and come out looking the same. Hmph!

foxy said...

So all it takes is a visit to the chiro and a promise to name an ovary after him AND I'LL LOOK LIKE THAT? I'm in.

Amy R. Nelson said...

I have just made an appointment with a chiropractor in my area because as you know, the best months to wear swimsuits this year are still ahead of us!

gigi said...

Awe... hope you continue to feel better now that you look so hawt and everything. Crack on, crack off!

hellomynameissusan said...

Pole dancing? Girl, you're supposed to start that in your teens not during college! No wonder you've been having problems!

My ortho surgeon told me (after breaking two vertebrae inner-tubing w/ the yw/ym) that if I ever went to a chiropractor to never come back to see him. And my sister has had both of her children adjusted right after they were born.

Kristina P. said...

I totally forgot to mention in my post that my right leg was like 3/4 of an inch shorter than my left one, and he adjusted that for me.

That visit was really good for my self esteem.

Aunt of 14 said...

Have you ever seen the Friends episode where Rachel sang Baby Got Back to her baby and Ross walked in? That is what came to my mind when I saw the title of your post!

Allyson & Jere said...

WHAT? Your first EVER chiropractic adjustment? This hurts my heart! I've been going to chiropractors since I was like 5 years old. I really love them and wish I could go alll the time. But alas, they want you to name your uterus after them and pay them your childs entire inheritance (snort) and therefore I don't ever get to go (until the pain is too great to function anymore). 'Cause everyone knows my kids aren't getting ANY inheritance.

Point is, I'm glad you got to visit one and that you survived all abilities intact, and no unwanted baby in your belly. AND you feel better.

Lastly....this morning I saw the msot disturbing commercial for Snuggies, in which they were singing about snuggies to the tune of the Macarena. All i could do was laugh and think of you and how much you'd apperciate it.

One Cluttered Brain said...

Now when you go pole dancing you will look smoking HAWT!
Glad he made you look and feel 100 % better!

HunDuddle Hussy said...

We're practically twins now.

Side note: if I ever went to a chiropractor where I was asked to "de-robe", I'd prefer that HE be the one paying me $150 "per session". Just thought I'd throw that in there to give u some ideas.

purejoy said...

love chiropractors. not the fees. or the fact that my insurance doesn't cover it. or the fact that i could see one 5x a week and it still wouldn't help.
hope yours feels better.
you had amazing results. i'm rethinking the poverty factor in favor of a beautiful bod.

well done as always!!

Barbaloot said...

I don't know which is worse, the first picture or the one of the baby at the chiropractor. Both very disturbing.

Tabitha (From Single to Married) said...

awesome as always - and you're rockin that swimsuit! Ha!

alexis said...

i love the chiropractor, and i had to watch that video too. i had to physically restrain myself from walking into the waiting room to tell them that the 80s called and wanted its VHS back.

i'm glad your legs are now the same length. Now when we're out in public I won't have to walk in front of you and pretend like I'm taking my handicapable friend out for a nice walk.

Mel Fraase said...

So now you're taller and free of all that burdensome money? Good deal. I think arriving topless is now standard for all clinic visits. At least Adam has a good outlook on things!

Steph said...

You really should read your contracts better. It is your RIGHT ovary, your left nipple, and both your fallopian tubes.

Melinda said...

Dude the picture of quasimoto made me burst out laughing--awesome! I need to go to the chiropractor SO BAD but I'm terrified he's going to confirm the suspicion I have that I'm decrepit and my body's falling apart.

Salt said...

So what you're telling me is that I need only stop by the chiropractor two doors down and I can look like a bikini model?? It's amazing!

I'm sorry about your sacrum!

AlliE said...

I injured my back when I was in highschool and it's an ongoing issue for me. but Chiropractic care has really done some good! Every time my back has been realy bad, a chiropractor has managed to give me relief, so that's good!

I recommend massage too, another activity that is done topless (and pantsless!!!) Although, you may find you're just as happy having them snap your neck with your shirt on. :-P

MommyJ said...

After breastfeeding five children, I might actually be sort of excited to have Betty White's boobs.

The redhead said...

Why did I not think to go topless when I was having my chiropratic "sessions." That would have made everything so much more comfortable, and so much less awkward. Especially since my chiropractor was a female.

Amanda Joy said...

Thanks for giving me the burst of outright laughter I needed today:)

Kristina P. said...

Allie, I do love a good, naked massage. When I first started blogging, I actually did a post and a poll about getting a massage naked.

Apparently, my brother leaves his pants on, and thinks it's totally crazy to be naked. Well, the joke was on him. He's the weird one.

ladyfi said...

Oh, I'm laughing hysterically. Chiro is scary, but hey - you're lucky you only had to name one ovary after him!

annie said...

I am thinking with that after picture, that I need to make my own appointment!

Wonder Woman said...

I am going to the chiropractor in about an hour. He only charges $15. But, he's kinda creepy. Not creepy enough to make me never return to him (OBVIOUSLY), but creepy enough that I prefer taking my children when I go so that I have witnesses.

I wish I were kidding.

Though, I'd consider a change of chiropractor and pay a lot more if I looked like you did!

Kristina P. said...

Oh, and Susan, there are several YouTube videos out there of baby adjustments. One was of a 3-day old!! Why?!?!

Kim said...

I've recently decided to attend all my medical appointments topless to save time when they inevitably ask me to undress.

Apparently it "caused a scene" at the dentist last week.


Whatever.

Sarah T. said...

Oh, this is hysterical! I wonder how many of us get the J.R. reference.

I am so glad you have such a supportive hubby. You look fabulous, by the way!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh! You are a trip!
I am having back pain, for the first time in my life.
BUT still I WON'T go to a chiropractor, this post has concreted my thoughts.

Alisha said...

I'm a neck popper, too. So much that sometimes I surprise myself by not doing a Beetlejuice-esque head decapitation simply by moving my neck. Hey, and you get to walk around clicking and popping like your very own personal mariachi band. We'll start calling you Senora Castanets.

And DUDE if I had known going to the chiropractor would make me look like that, I would SO not be doing the Biggest Loser! GEEZ! You have to find this stuff out earlier! Save a girl from some hard work and an on again love affair with some cake!

NIKOL said...

I have mixed feelings about chiropractors. I don't think they're total quacks, but I don't really see them as much more than glorified massage therapists. I can't believe they do adjustments on babies. Why? Because of all that heavy lifting they're doing?

Our former bishop, who is now part of the Stake Presidency, is a chiropractor. His wife was our Relief Society President, and one time when she was teaching a lesson she told us all how when her husband first mentioned going to chiropractor school, she freaked out because she thougth chiropractors were quacks, and she was afraid he'd lost his mind. Delicious!

Janet said...

I'm a little frightened at how similar your Chiropractor Eve conversation was to mine. I was convinced that I was going to be completely damaged, but by that time I was in so much pain I didn't care. I'd have gone sooner, but I was a firm believer in the chiropractor-is-a-quack school of thought.

This comment was getting way too long. I think I have a blog post of my own coming. Thanks!

the fowlers said...

that chiropractor looks to be a real miracle worker. sign me up for the bathing suit body!

Cristy said...

WOAH!! I would EASILY pay more than $150 to have that before and after.

I hope it helps you to go to the chiropractor. So sure, some people think it's complete crap to go to chiropractor's but the way I feel? If it helps, who cares?

Untypically Jia said...

Poor Mickey Rourke.

The WholeFamDamily said...

my dad was a chiropractor, and i only saw him make someone go neked for an adjustment ONCE...ok twice. ;p

Sara said...

UGH! Back cracking gives me the heebie jeebies! Good thing you got insurance covering care provided by failed med students.

Adam and Bri said...

we can name our ovaries? excellent to know.

myimaginaryblog said...

So, if your discs are degenerating, can a real doctor do anything about that? Because maybe you should see one of those next. I'm pretty sure real doctors (other than O.B.s) only impregnate their colleagues. Or maybe the nanny.

I'll bet parents got the idea to ask chiropractors to do adjustments on babies to get the little tyrants to stop screaming and give them some peace. It probably startles the baby into temporary silence, so parents think it works, until they bring the little screeching tormenter back home.

My mission president was a chiropractor, and he also followed a strict health code that excluded things like white flour and canned veggies (which are only vegetable skeletons, with all the nutrition stripped away) and CHOCOLATE. In BELGIUM he didn't eat any chocolate.

Kristina P. said...

Canned vegetables can *be* part of a strict health code?

The Blonde Duck said...

I've got a new TV product for you to do--the pillow pets!

Amander said...

All this post did was make me want a massage. But instead I am stuck in a crappy chair that hurts my back.

So, thanks for that reminder.

Write Chick said...

Hahaha...I laughed like crazy over this. Probably because I personally had this exact thing happen to me a couple of months ago. Unfortunately, my co-pay is now $40 dollars. So to see the chiropractor twice a week for one month would be about $320 out-of-pocket.

I just decided that getting addicted to pain meds would be cheaper in the long run. ;-) I only have to pay, like, $10 for a bottle of them and they last a while. You should think about it. Naked and addicted to pain meds could be a good look for you now that you have your smoking hot bod.

andreamichelle said...

I loved this post, I needed a good laugh. Your conversation with your husband sounds exactly like what my husband would say. they are so loving. :). My husband went to a chiropractor and it did help, so thats sad that this guy didn't help you very much. On the baby thing, I remember hearing about that when I was pregnant with my son. Some believe that babies get "messed up" when coming through the birth canal, and therefore sometimes need chiropractic help to re-align their bodies, but it didn't sound like a legitimate concern to me, how would you know-without getting x-rays- that there was a problem in that regard with the infant?

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Oh, ouch! Sorry about your back!

But after seeing your pictures, i think I may just be in need of a trip to the chiropractor.

rachel said...

Glad the chiropractor helped! If you are going to go topless to his office, just throw on the Snuggie. It could totally work as a hospital gown.

I mean those Google pics when you typed in chiropractor would have been so much less creepy if she had been wearing a Snuggie...and so much more creepy had he been wearing one!! :)

Michelle @ Flying Giggles said...

I need to get in with them, just like that? You are looking good...lol.

My husband goes to a chiropractor and swears by them. He tries to get me to go all the time, maybe one day.

Eva Gallant said...

I read a book called The Case
Against Chiropractic and one of the points in the book is that they are trained to make money by making sure you see them several times per week.

kami @ nobiggie.net said...

Does this mean that your left ovary is still up for grabs?!

so you're sayin' I gotta chance.

Little Lovables said...

man that sucks... my mom has degenerative disc disease and she's pretty much crippled right now.

but wow, you look smokin hot now!

Suzie said...

I would love to see your google image history sometime and all images you pass on.

Good luck with your...sacrum!

Carolyn V. said...

I love my chiropractor, but I never finish the appointments they schedule me. Because I'm evil that way.

Danelle said...

Very informative. Thank you.

Chaka said...

Kristina,

You are so stinking funny! You have more comedy in your 3rd lumbar vertabrae than I do in my entire spine. I remember the first time I went to a chiropractor and he did the Rambo neck snap on me. It's hard to relax in their pressence after that.

TechnoBabe said...

You have more nerve than I do. There have been times it was recommended I see a chiropractor. No way Jose.
I like the Obamas in their blue Snuggies. I will have to look up Degenerative Disc Disease. I hope there is a way to stop it from getting worse.

Angela Flicker: The Art of Making a House a Home in Utah said...

Sorry to hear about the back problems, but congrats on the new hot look. Once again, thanks for the laughs ;)

Brandy said...

what is up with those topless photos?? weird.

I love going to the chiropractor. But the problem is...all chiros are crazy. I have dated TWO. They think the National Treasure is hidden in your spine. And then they tell you if you come back 3x+ a week you will never get a cold again.

Loonies, I tell ya!

Emily said...

I want the name of your chiropractor. Now. I'm happy to give either ovary. I'm done having kids.

The Atomic Mom said...

So glad you posted this tutorial on proper chiropractic etiquette for us all.

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

The "after" was totally worth the $150, although the "before" picture was charming in it's own special way. Hope you start feeling better soon!

Karen Peterson said...

This explains so much. I didn't realize I was supposed to show up to my chiropractic appointment topless. Since I wore a shirt, I now understand all the crazy looks I got.

mintifresh said...

Oh the chiropractor....'you will die if you do not seek my treatment!'

I need to check out your chiro since mine didn't make me look anywhere near as hot as you! No wonder you named your ovary after him!

Tiffany said...

I was in such pain one time and headed to my chiropractor, I cried while he adjusted me, and was still in pain. He told me to got see a real doctor, something was seriously wrong with me.
That real doctor told me I had the flu in my muscles and gave me pain meds that knocked me out for a week.
Missed my finals at BYU, but my teachers were so nice I did not have to take them and got great grades that year. So that was cool.

Come to find out years later as I continued to have pain, that I just needed to strengthen the muscles around my rotator cuff, when they are strong there is no pain.

Really, such incompetent doctors

Deb said...

I think this entry goes in the hall of fame.

Kristina P. said...

Adam basically refuses to talk to me about my back until I go to a "real" doctor for a second opinion. Even though he has seen a chiropractor himself. Oh, who told him he should go on the HCG diet.

Lara said...

See what you get for helping nuns and children? And/or pole dancing? You need to find a happy medium, Kristina.

Anna See said...

I am pretty sure that chiropractor lady stole the dress I wore every 2weeks to church in 1992.

Connie said...

I thought I was the only one who went topless to the chiropractor!

True story (don't let it scare you)
I had a horrible back. Went to the chiro...several times in a 2 week period. The last time I went, he did an adjustment then helped me off the table. I couldn't stand, totally went to the floor. He helped me back up, did another adjustment and I shuffled on out of his office. Ended up needing some medical stuff to my bulging discs.

But that's just me! And obviously I didn't come out looking as good as you do!

Jillsy said...

Betty White's boobs ~ quite impressive! The first time I had to go to the Chiropractor, hubby had to practically carry me in!

Kazzy said...

My husband's chiro uses that electro-thingy. He thinks it's grand. hmmmm


I haven't been since we lived in LA eons ago and the doc was an ex USC football player. That. was. scary.

Kristina P. said...

Kazzy, it's sort of weird. He wanted me to get the electric stim, as they call it, like 3 times a day. It felt weird.

veronica said...

That picture? Holy Crap! Any Chiropractor who feels the need to see me topless would get a swift kick in the teeth.

lexlocilori said...

The chiropractor terrifies me.

Charlene said...

Ha! As a spouse of a chiropractor, I had to laugh, laugh, laugh at this post. And let me tell you, I'm the ONLY naked patient my husband is allowed to adjust!

Both my kids received chiropractic adjustments while babies. If you think about it, their bodies undergo a lot of stress being squeezed through this tiny little hole...besides, it helped them sleep better. I'm all for that!

mitchpamandtherhoadants said...

I went to a chiro who wanted me to move into his office for adjustments for the rest of my life! I ran as fast as I could and he kept calling for weeks. I had a ruptured disc that could only be fixed with surgery - I felt so much better after the MD performed it. Be careful with that, you should go to a spine MD. And he probably wont mind if you go topless, what man would, really?

Mikki said...

Oh, I am SO on board. If that's all it takes to look like that afterwards, then sign me up!

The Boob Nazi said...

I've never been to a chiropractor. I wouldn't know what to do or anything haha.

Sabrina said...

I will end up hunchback no matter what. But nothing beats a good adjustment at the chiro. oooh yeah!

Cheeseboy said...

Ha ha! You called the Chiropractor a "doctor".

I shouldn't make too much fun. After viewing the above picture, I had the sudden urge to become a chiropractor.

Missy said...

You are THE Funniest Blogger in the World!
LOL
I want a pic of you Doing an inverted thigh hold/tail split, while pole dancing.

blueviolet said...

Geez, I am so sorry that you have chronic pain! That's horrid! And I'm so glad you do your neck popping and cracking discreetly. My kids do it in front of me and I HATE that sound!

Cherie said...

OK the naked picture - do people really do that? Gross
I have never gone to a Chiropractor but I am a huge "cracker" - Yep you read that right...I'm Cracked! Or I'm on crack or something like that.
I just crack my back, full on, both directions, every night when I go to bed.
I'm probably doomed.
Glad you got some relief I hope it really doesn't cost you an arm and a leg.
Do Chiropractors cure whats wrong or do they just continue to fix it?
Sacrum...LOL :-D

Megan said...

After a crazy Monday (that is far from over), I really needed a good LOL. Thanks, Kristina, as always!!!!! :)

Katie said...

I went to the chiropractor a few times as a teenager, but I never ended up looking as good as you!

W.C.Camp said...

Wow I have never been worried about this procedure before but that guy crawling on you looks like a Necropheliac and honestly your picture looks good afterward but I am afraid the guy made your head get bigger - did he compliment you excessively in your sessions? W.C.C.

Braden said...

LOL. My wife has been going lately. It seems to help her, but it makes me a little nervous. I mean if the chiropractor messes up....bad news. My wife, by the way, is smoking hot.

Kristina P. said...

Charlene, I was waiting for a spouse or family member to show up!! The whole baby thing still totally freaks me out.

Kelley said...

I was so laughing out loud at many different points throughout this back crackin' post! Ha! I love how you throw in comments about J.R. and anthrax. I knew I had to visit your blog again because I see we visit many of the same ones! I don't know why I don't come by your blog all the time. By the way, I wanted to ask...does your left ovary have a name?

Strawberry Shortcake said...

You are hilarious! Who goes to the chiropractor topless? Oh yeah, the patients of chiropractic pimps go topless. You have definitely increased my fear of the back cracker. I am literally terrified!

Jillybean said...

The last time I went to a chiropractor, I went into the office looking normal and came out looking like the Hunchback.
I remember my first visit to the chiropractor, I was about three, and had hurt my neck while trying to jump off of the couch and do a flip in the air before I landed on my feet, only I didn't land on my feet.

Just SO said...

Sorry to hear about the degenerative disc disease. That's what over half of my family has.

On the bright side you look fab in that swimsuit.

Angie said...

You crack me up...no pun intended!
Thanks for the laughs, I'm sorry you have a debilitating disease but at least your hot!

pook555 said...

Ugg, chiropractors scare me too, plus his "treatment plan" seems a little excessive! But this post is hilarious as usual - plus I guess I would go to a chiropractor too if I ended up looking like the after pic LOL!!

amy said...

$150? wowsers. Are you going to an MD now about your disc issue? Is there anything they can do?

I'm so glad you aren't paralyzed. :)

Jessica G. said...

I was once molested my a chiropractor in the hallway at church (he was fascinated by my Bionic-ness...aren't we all). I still can't imagine seeing a back cracker without thinking of tithing slips.

Kristina P. said...

That seems like a great, uplifting memory, Jessica.

See Mom Smile said...

Okay so, my hubby is a doc and does chiropractic adjustments. He does them for everyone and everyone loves them. My kids even ask for them. Then there is me. I have know him for way too long and still can't believe he can do that without paralyzing me. He says i am a terrible patient. I can live with that.

Melanie J said...

I once spent a thousand dollars out of pocket on chiropractic care. It cured me. I was delighted. Then the day before my last session, I tripped on the back porch and did my imitation of a pingpong ball while I bounced between the lawn mower and a ladder all the way down to the concrete. My chiropractor was pissed. And I had to spend more money. The end.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I think you and I should hang out sometime and try to set a new world record for back and neck cracking. We could totally be on the news.

And, hey, you think you've got it bad: at least Betty White *has* breasts.

likeswimming said...

I have had that maneuver performed upon me. It's nowhere near as exciting as it looks.

Also? I have degenerative disc disease and a completely hashed sacroiliac joint. Stop trying to be me.

Wendyburd1 said...

Sylvester Stallone looks EW in that pic! And how is it you find the creeeeepiest photos on the internet, sheer luck, or a skill set? :)

~*Michelle*~ said...

I am gonna take a guess and chalk up your back problems to neck/back popping while as you held the inverted thigh hold/tail split, while pole dancing. That must have been over-the-top for your audience.

Bravo! Bravo!

Oh man.......you crack me up. What a great way to start my day!

Mary said...

There are some chiropractors that aren't completely wacko...but they are few and far between. Most tell you that everyone needs "chiropractice for life" but who can really afford it? Maybe I'll try going in with my will promising to name my woman goodies after the doc...or he can just have them when I'm gone. Thanks for the idea!

Liz said...

I had no idea a chiropracter could leangthen your legs. I thought you looked taller in your after picture!

You are so funny, I missed you while I was banished over the summer!!!

We Don't Mean to Brag said...

My husband is a "real" doctor who is somewhat skeptical of the quackopractor.

Perhaps it didn't help that early on in our marriage I went to see one once. T came along for the visit and when Dr J sprayed breath spray in his mouth before the visit (right in front of us!) my husband's trust level was compromised beyond repair. Oh, and there was also a reference to Dr J's playboy subscription that he got "just for the articles" YIKES!

slommler said...

You made me laugh out loud this morning!! Ha!
I am sorry that you have degenerative disc disease...that isn't cool at all.
Did he manually adjust your breast as well? I mean you did go in topless!?
Hugs
SueAnn

ModernMom said...

I just love when you go for an appt and they give you good news like that! My acupuncturist pulled the same move. Never been back.

Stephanie Faris said...

Hey, if I can look like that in the end, I'm goin'!

I remember hearing back in the 90s that Bruce Willis and Demi Moore took their babies for chiropractic adjustment. I just could NOT figure out how that didn't qualify for a visit from Child Protective Services!

Kristina P. said...

The thing is, this was a REALLY nice office. I think it lured me in.

AND Rachael Ray was playing on the waiting room TV. I should have known right then something was wrong.

Amber said...

I believe that topless appointments will solve every problem in the world. For real, could you imagine how wonderful buying a car would be...topless?? Nothing better. For real.

Liza said...

This was SO funny! One of my favorites!! I'm not sure how I feel about chiropractors. I do like getting adjusted, but they always seemt o try to get as much money as possible.

You are looking hot!

Liza said...

This was SO funny! One of my favorites!! I'm not sure how I feel about chiropractors. I do like getting adjusted, but they always seemt o try to get as much money as possible.

You are looking hot!

Molly Doe said...

I agree, you look fantabulous, and I must go visit this Dr.!

Annette Lyon said...

Wish I could look that great after seeing my chiro. Hope yours makes you feel all better. Even if you have to name your ovaries after him.

Kristina P. said...

Amber, I'm pretty sure we could bring world peace if everyone was topless.

Crystal Escobar said...

I loved the up to date brochures, and the nude women getting treated by a chiropractor. Glad you did your research so you'd be prepared and not look like an idiot showing up to your appointment fully clothed :) Thank goodness for google images.

Dixie Mom said...

Seriously looks like it was worth every dime...even if you had to donate an ovary or two.
But really...3 times a week for life? You may need a few more opinions.

Kathie @ Just a Happy Housewife said...

I don't even know where to start! hahaha

I quit going to the chiropractor, I think it's a bit of a scam. If I'm ever in agonizing pain again, I'll go but I'm not going a few times a week ever again. :-)

rach said...

Chiropractors scare me but once was tempted to go to one to FIX what my (ever so loving) hubby did to me (trying to pop my back ... eh-hem). I got better w/o the Chiropractor and my hubby is no longer allowed to TRY to pop my back. LOL.
But I'd LOVE to see you walk in the place topless. ha, ha.

Keersten said...

You look great! I feel so much better knowing that it is perfectly normal to have your spine aligned topless. I was a little worried that my complimentary breast exam wasn't normal procedure.

Kristina P. said...

Rach, I do have Adam walk on/push on my back sometimes. It does usually make me feel better.

Dapoppins said...

DARLING!!! who is your chiropractor? You simply must tell moi.

Sarah T. said...

I came back to tell you that I was talking to a coworker about the baby thing, and she had that done on her baby! She claims it helps prevent colic and other stuff. I don't know.

Sarah T. said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Sarah T. said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Sarah T. said...

So sorry about that!

Charlotte said...

Now I feel totally justified for ignoring that bus full of nuns and children I passed by the other day that was in need of assistance. Because that would have led to an unwanted pregnancy and going out in public topless. It all makes so much sense.

Oonafey said...

I am loving your Photoshop skills, you'll have to teach me!

Sunny said...

You had me cracking up with this post, just what I needed after a crappy day. Favorite line: "After seeing the previous picture, I decided to arrive topless." *snort*

Candice said...

I think what will really help your back is more anal sex.

Seriously. Try it. ;)

Tell your husband that I said he's welcome.

Savvy Gal said...

K, you look fab. in the last picture. : )

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I'd love to comment, but I am making a chiro appointment. I need those legs in the last pic.

Krista said...

That pole dancing is really paying off! BTW, it doesn't work the same as a fire hydrant. I thought "fireman's workout" and there's a hydrant in my front yard....I don't know how I connected the two. But I totally stood on my head.

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

i am all distracted by how freakin' good you look in a bathing suit...one day. oh one day I will look that good.

Tiffany said...

I have lots of love/hate feelings for the chiropractor..... Oh how you make me wish I knew how to use/had photoshop!!

Kristina P. said...

Oonafey, what Photoshop? That's totally how I look.

Ash said...

LOL - i nearly spilled my coffee on my work pc (that'd be ok right? right??).

i break my neck left and right too...ssshhh *crack*crack*

~ash's mum

Joanna Jenkins said...

Ah, can I have the name of your chiropractor. I'd like a body like that- Smokin!
Hope you're feeling better.
jj

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Oh, friend. Every sacrum is sacred. Every sacrum is good.

ramsam said...

I know why you wear a SNuggie all the time- if people saw the real you under there you would be stalked, hounded, raped and idolized in all future plastic surgeries.

Please, cover back up

Queenie Jeannie said...

I hope your back feels ALL better really soon. I've never been to a chiropractor before but it doesn't sound like much fun. I'll stick to my yoga stretches, lol! Hugs!!

My name is PJ. said...

Hilarious, scary, hilarious and hilarious!

That first female patient was nude! Exactly what kind of treatment was the chiro providing????

JennyJenJen said...

haha! wow, can you give me the name of your chiropractor/miracle worker??

Kristina P. said...

Ramona, that is a picture of me at work, on casual Friday. People need to know.

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

I totally hope you weren't kidding about arriving topless AND that you also had that polygamist woman adjust your back too---that would be great. Love your hot new bod!

InkMom said...

Good job, Kristina! That after shot is almost enough to convince me to go back to the regimen suggested by my chiropractor, that would eventually lead me to bankruptcy since I'd have to get a babysitter three times a week, making that $35 more like $50. Unless, of course, I just drop the kids off at my mom's house for every appointment, but, seriously, the bankruptcy would be a lot less damaging to my personal life.

carma said...

I'm incredibly suspicious of all chiropractor's and their lifetime treatment plans. You may as well empty your savings account and bring it with you on your next visit.

Was Adam chasing your tail at the time of injury?? ;-)

Erin said...

I hope you're feeling better after your visit. I certainly don't want the drive to St. George in November to upset your tailbone.

I worked for a chiropractor for 6 years when I was first married. I liked getting free adjustments. And he only made me take my shirt off once!

Kristina P. said...

Erin, I am so glad you are coming!

Debbie said...

I think I might be able to have some faith in chiropractors if they didn't run around "adjusting" babies. Yes, sometimes babies should be locked up for 18 years or so but rarely have I seen one that didn't look well-adjusted.

Maryquitecontrary said...

I went to a chiropractor once and he also tried to convince me I needed to come back 3-4 times a week for a year, or it would get worst and never be able to walk again. Give me a break.

Maryquitecontrary said...

I mean "worse" not worst.

Kristina P. said...

Debbie, my dad emailed me yesterday and told me they watched my stepmom's grandson get an adjustment at 3 days old, which scarred them for life. I think it sounds pretty awesome.

Alison Wonderland said...

Phew, I'm so glad it worked out ok for you. I was worried about you for a minute there.

Quinn said...

While I was terrified of chiropractors before, I'm
completely sold on it now. Sounds like the pricing plan & frequency sounds like a great deal, so much so that I think you are their dream client. ;)

p.s. You are so dang sweet to wish my baby to come out in your last post!!! I suspect you may be right about the terrorist potential, though, since baby is still refusing to hop out. I suppose every family needs one, though, right?

WhisperingWriter said...

Nice legs! I'm jealous.

And by the way, your posts never fail to make me smile. You should start a magazine or something. I'd crack up throughout the whole thing instead of going, "The crap?" when I flip through things like Cosmo and Glamour.

Sandra said...

You're so beautiful, especially since your visit with the chiro.
Glad that Adam is so loving and caring. How ever would he manage if you were dead as opposed to a quadrapligic...ya, I spelled that wrong, not looking up the proper spelling either...

Rocketgirl said...

1. That totally sucks, I'm sorry!
2. I LOVE getting cracked. But I have no official need to do so, durn it. Secretly, wouldn't it be awesome to be married to a chiro? Just when you're getting all frisky, they could pop you and make you extra limber. SWEET.

Kristina P. said...

RG, I do too. Actually, that's what I was hoping for when I went in. I really just wanted a full adjustment. And then he told me that he could do that move above, and crack my lower back, but if I wanted a full adjustment, it was like $80 more!!

I just want a back alley chiropractor who doesn't care about these things!

AS Amber said...

Is it just me or is that chiropractor with the curly hair HUGE??

I would LOVE to go to the chiro. I'm a big fan of the neck/back/fingers/toes/hip/knee/elbowpopping. I'd love to have it done professionally!

Hilarious as always, my friend!

A Musing Mother said...

After my first chiropractic appointment, I looked like evangelist Jimmy Baker.

Strangely, I liked the look.

Helene said...

Well, geez, if I can look like that too after an adjustment, I'll be the first in line!!!!

A friend of mine was really into bringing her baby to a chiropractor. She had no worries at all. It didn't seem right to me though. She claimed the chiropractor prevented the baby from getting sick. I was like, "Uh no....just feed him what you're supposed to feed him and don't let people touch him and he'll be just fine". Whatever...to each his own.

Speaking of babies, did you see that Mario Lopez had a baby girl? I can't help but think of you every time I see him on Extra.

Kristina P. said...

Helene, that is so funny, because my post on Monday is going to be a little shout out to Little Lopez.

Kaci said...

Ugh I freakin hate chiroprators with a passion. They are evil people and vicodin fixes everything. =) Just kidding...but really I hate chiros!

Rebecca said...

After viewing each of those pictures, I can conclusively say I am thoroughly scared of chiropractors.

Liza said...

Dancing With The Stars on Monday!!!

Liza said...

Dancing With The Stars on Monday!!!

Kristina P. said...

My DVRs are ready to be Hoffified!

elesa said...

I love those "Naked at the Chiropractor" pictures. Where the heck is her shirt? She is probably making the Chiropractor all uncomfortable. but he doesn't want to make her feel bad so he just doesn't say anything. Boy is she dumb!

Maryquitecontrary said...

Funny enough, my husband went to the chiropractor yesterday. He said he feels better, but yep, they tld him he will need to come back several times a week, for the next few month. Fail.

Maryquitecontrary said...

Told him.

Kristina P. said...

You know, maybe he's giving her a "massage" too?

Anne said...

My computer has been down! This post is awesome. Love everything about it. I think I had that dress. Is it a Gunnysack?

Anne said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Anne said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Anne said...

Why do I always do that? I am so impatient.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Well you look amazing... still a bit of cellulite in your right him area, but other than that... the Chiropractor did wonders to your... um (s word).

My dad's a chiropractor... true story! :)

Kristina P. said...

Shelle, does he see his patients naked?

messina said...

Sorry about your back! This officially means you are old.

Adam is such a loving, understanding husband. You are very lucky.

messina said...

Oh, can you tell me how to set up my email in my profile? I'm sort of new to this.

Sheri said...

I think I need to set up an appointment to look that hot in a bathing suit too! :)

Kristina P. said...

Messina, it's really easy. Just go to your profile and click "Edit Profile." And then you can add your email address into that, so people can respond directly to you.

Emily said...

You look AMAZING. :) Bummer about the bad back and such . . . chiro's really can work wonders. One saved my life about three years ago!

Teachinfourth said...

Been to the chiropractor for a few months now…he's done the old snap, crackle, pop routine pretty regularly. I wonder if I should go topless in order to shake it up a bit…

Just a thought.

honeypiehorse said...

You look great! I have back pain too so I got one of these: http://honeypiehorse.blogspot.com/2009/04/ma-roller.html

messina said...

OK, I will try it.

messina said...

OK, I did it! Thanks!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Apparently I've been missing out and just putting up with back pain...I'm going to have to make an appointment STAT so I can have an 'after' picture like you... ;)

Anne said...

I am back in the saddle! #200!!

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 206   Newer› Newest»