tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73209101395464533442011-03-18T14:51:47.641-06:00Pulsipher PredilectionsWhen Humor Goes, There Goes Civilization- Erma BombeckKristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.comBlogger424125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-1531899618922212012011-03-14T09:16:00.000-06:002011-03-14T10:32:40.378-06:00Celebrities Value Your FamilyLast week, I posted about how a magazine filled with scantily clad women, helped strengthen my marriage, and my religious convictions.This may come as a surprise to many of you, because I know I seem like the type of person who regularly reads such distinguished magazines as The Economist, National Geographic, Mensa Bulletin, and High Times, but I like a good celebrity gossip magazine now and Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com115tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-644226373038131262011-03-07T08:50:00.001-07:002011-03-07T13:01:40.584-07:00How Your Relationship Can Be Radically Winning In Its UnderwearA couple of months ago, I posted about how Adam started the fire academy. I am still in mourning over the requirement that he lose his facial hair. But, he hasn't burned his nipples off, been exposed to a meth lab, or be forced to watch John Travolta's Ladder 49 movie as homework, so I guess those are good things too. I once read a report that said that John Travolta movies are the leading cause Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com119tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-60264909086542668202011-02-21T09:34:00.000-07:002011-02-21T09:35:07.799-07:00Holiday! Celebrate!Today, as most of you know, is President's Day. Which means I get to sleep in until 10 AM, watch Lifetime movies, and run around without a bra on, all on the taxpayer's dime. God Bless America.I wanted to take this opportunity to celebrate and honor my favorite President. Coby Brooks, CEO and President of Hooters. Many of you may remember a previous post I wrote, that shared with you his perky Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com137tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-89743196306692827872011-02-14T08:43:00.000-07:002011-02-14T08:44:00.805-07:00Sell This House!As I mentioned in a previous post, we have decided to list our condo. We've lived here for almost 6 years, and we realized that it's time to move on to bigger and better things. Namely, something with two bathrooms.When you peek into someones bathroom, and you see that there are 12 months worth of Men's Health on the back of the toilet, it's probably a pretty good indication that someone (not Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com155tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-25440896962188170172011-02-07T08:28:00.000-07:002011-02-07T08:29:11.583-07:00Search for Utah's Next Top SassyI am still technically on my bloggy vacation, but as promised, I did want to notify my readers that the local Salt Lake City review group I am a part of, SassyScoops, is holding a contest to fill one last spot. The search for Utah's Next Top Sassy is on!!I've been told that I am like the Tyra Banks of the group. I don't exactly know what that means, but I've heard whispers about how I talk about Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-23961179619475215722011-01-30T18:26:00.004-07:002011-01-31T10:56:13.906-07:00Achey Blog Breaky HeartI know for many of you, this will probably be the worst day of your life. Even worse than the day you found out your mom is really your dad.I'm going to be taking a bit of a bloggy break for the next couple of weeks. With Adam being in the fire academy, so he can make his goal of being Mr. September of one of the hot firefighter calendars, trying to sell our condo, and working on a new program atKristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-72424828825871758062011-01-24T08:57:00.000-07:002011-01-24T08:57:30.384-07:00iRenew, uRenew, We All Renew!Lately, I've been feeling like my life has been lacking balance and chi. I thought about cutting out Diet Coke from my life, but then I realized that was stupid and started drinking 44 more ounces a day.People have suggested meditating more, reading my scriptures more often, giving back to the community, blah, blah, blah. While all decent suggestions, and by "decent" I mean "lame", who needs to Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com165tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-85097887165784141192011-01-10T09:10:00.000-07:002011-01-10T12:45:42.118-07:00And The Award Goes To...It's been a little over a week now, for the year 2011, and I think I am doing a great job by embracing all things smutty, even though I have yet to literally hug Lindsay Lohan, or those guys in the bawdy Navy videos. After hearing that the Navy captain was fired for trying to teach his crew about traffic safety, by simulating a rectal exam (completely logical), I've decided to reevaluate my Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com168tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-68200679358430212782011-01-03T08:54:00.000-07:002011-01-03T08:54:47.325-07:00Counter-ResolutionaryWell, here we are in 2011. It seemed like just yesterday that I was resolving to become a mediocre person in most aspects of my life, and a failure in others.I failed to have a Law and Order episode made after my life's escapades, so while I feel sad and let down, I do feel good in knowing that I achieved yet another area in my life in which I was a complete and utter loser. I don't think I have Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com188tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-49673514085086107412010-12-21T17:52:00.009-07:002010-12-21T18:56:57.775-07:00"If You Don't Celebrate Christmas, You Are a Terrorist."- Stephen ColbertI know that most bloggers this week are busy spending time with their friends and family, and putting beautifully wrapped packages of resentment under the tree.So, because I care enough to send the very best, and hit "Publish Post", I am sending each one of you the 2010 Pulsipher Christmas card.(I wasn't able to confirm it, but I have a strong suspicion that Santa was under the influence of a Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-68563913902822045222010-12-13T09:05:00.000-07:002010-12-13T09:05:37.278-07:00Celebrities Are The Gifts That Keep On GivingAs we all know, Christmas is right around the corner, and many of us are in full panic mode, making sure we complete our Christmas shopping. And by "many of us", I mean "you", because I have purchased the Gift of Sanctimony for all my friends and loved ones, by constantly reminding them that Christmas isn't about X-Box's, iPads, or President Obama Chia Pets, but about looking down on people who Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com194tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-18407220884289385542010-12-06T09:02:00.002-07:002010-12-06T09:31:14.271-07:00Man UpDuring the holiday season, many of the blog posts I read seem to ruminate on about how they want to do gifts this year, how Christmas has become too commercialized, etc. Personally, I think Baby Jesus would give you two thumbs up to you buying your child the latest Saw movie, as a way to commemorate his birth.Being the kind, giving person that I am, I have decided that this year, for Christmas, IKristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com186tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-88442683596025975302010-11-29T08:50:00.000-07:002010-11-29T08:51:07.735-07:00She Bangs, She BangsThe holiday season always seems to bring about a time of introspection, and reflection on my life. I think about how I can be kinder to others, be more aware of the needs of people around me, but most importantly, how I can be the smokin' hot wife that all the other women at church are jealous of. Don't worry. I still keep things classy and modest by wearing one of those giant 18-hour bras under Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com212tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-40036572521050652852010-11-24T21:38:00.000-07:002010-11-24T21:38:20.421-07:00Thank You To Mimi's Cafe For Not Allowing Their Employees To Be Home With Their Families This Year, So They Can Cook For MineIn the true spirit of giving, I decided to share some of my awesomeness with the readers of The R House blog, by writing a guest post about the role I played in the story of my friend adopting her little boy. I suspect that by this time next year, I will be able to share the story of how I convinced Brad and Angelina that I was an African orphan, and my adventures as their newly adopted EthiopianKristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-15595274992529529102010-11-15T09:15:00.001-07:002010-11-15T21:05:31.958-07:00Bloggy Bootcamp RecapMy unicorn and rainbow-filled weekend at Bloggy Bootcamp was everything I had hoped it would be. I returned home tired, but fulfilled. I don't think I am explaining very clearly how things went, so to better illustrate my weekend, it was basically like this: I feel like how The Hoff looks, my body looks like how William Hung sounds, and I sound like how Kate Gosselin feels. Make sense?(Picture Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-33503513002608409002010-11-08T08:48:00.001-07:002010-11-08T20:46:01.817-07:00Celebrities R UsSeveral weeks ago, I mentioned that I am speaking at Bloggy Bootcamp, thrown by the SITS Girls, in St. George, this upcoming Saturday. There are still a few tickets left, for those who would like a nice, relaxing vacation, all while playing "Spot The Polygamist" at the local Walmart.To provide even more incentive, I am sharing a picture of the example blog I am using in my presentation.Warning, Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com203tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-122415872792049152010-11-01T08:47:00.000-06:002010-11-01T09:46:36.087-06:00It's a European Shoulder BagAdam and I have a little announcement to make. Yes, it's the announcement you have all been waiting for. We are pregnant. And by "we", I mean him. That's right, Adam is pregnant.Sigh, if only that were true. Then my dreams of meeting being on the cover of The National Enquirer, having a Lifetime movie based on our lives, and hearing the words "cracked nipples" said 347 times at our baby shower, Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com210tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-33283455684698238412010-10-18T09:00:00.003-06:002010-10-18T10:40:35.655-06:00Unbreak My HeartAs a part of my job, I am required to be CPR certified every year. Not only do I save metaphorical lives in my job, I am also required to save literal lives. But fortunately, my huge government social worker salary makes it all worth it.I have been CPR certified for the past 12 years, and usually the classes are taught by people who have been trained to teach CPR, but who have not usually ever Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com214tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-40754428515579317272010-10-11T08:54:00.001-06:002010-10-11T10:13:26.570-06:00Every Night Has Been a Dark KnightI wanted to thank everyone for their well wishes during my time of illness. Sadly, I still have lingering snot running out of my nose, but for the most part, I am feeling much better.I'm not entirely sure how I got so sick. I only made out with that Jon Gosselin picture in US Weekly for about 17 seconds, so that couldn't possibly be it.This month has been a rough month for me. With The Hoff beingKristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com178tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-20873467624326263842010-10-04T09:04:00.002-06:002010-10-04T09:09:00.154-06:00We Gonna Find YouSo, this is pretty much how I've been feeling this week:As you can clearly tell by the rendition I created of my head exploding, I am a naturally gifted artist. Just like your son who smears poop on the wall.And to clear up any confusion, that is snot dripping out of my nose, not herpes or cocaine. Not that there's anything wrong with STDs, or a completely naturally occurring substance that Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-9594220022000544792010-09-27T08:12:00.001-06:002010-09-28T22:50:01.869-06:00Dance-HoffThis week has been a very difficult time for me. I know I like to keep things light and funny on my blog, but life isn't just camouflage Snuggies, Betty White wearing a bikini, and unicorn farts. Bad things happen to good people (see: Meg Ryan's face), and this week, I have learned that none of us are immune to loss or grief.There has been a truly Hofful death in my family this week.The death of Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com202tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-20625762516487997782010-09-25T10:43:00.005-06:002010-09-25T10:53:16.118-06:00Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!The winner of the Bloggy Boot Camp ticket is (drumroll...):JILLYBEAN!!I think this surpasses that time she met Justin Bieber, after his ride on the motorized horsey, outside Kmart.Congrats to Jill!(Comments Off)Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-60514916837974797052010-09-20T09:06:00.001-06:002010-09-20T09:57:40.183-06:00Giveaways and Procreation (Not Necessarily In That Order)Well, it's official. My biggest fear has come true. And I'm not talking about Larry King saying the word "flaccid" on national television.Mario. Lopez. has. procreated. He and his girlfriend had a little girl, Gia Francesca Lopez. My first thought was, "Was Gia the name of one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? I don't even have my food storage or emergency preparedness kit ready!" My secondKristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com156tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-91565456868289463492010-09-13T09:02:00.003-06:002010-09-13T23:15:31.526-06:00Baby Got BackSeveral weeks ago, I had my very first chiropractic appointment. I injured my back sometime in college, when I was around 20-years old. I'm not entirely sure what caused the pain, but I've narrowed it down to two events:1) Lifting up a bus full of nuns and disabled children, after a harrowing car accident.OR2) Doing an inverted thigh hold/tail split, while pole dancing.It was an interesting Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com206tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320910139546453344.post-51431522628144174842010-09-05T10:22:00.000-06:002010-09-06T10:22:47.364-06:00Labor PainsToday, to celebrate Labor Day, not only am I taking the day off from learning very valuable life lessons at work, such as how to properly do the Crip Walk, I am also taking a day off from judging. I had no idea that it would become a full time job for me. (I do reserve the right to judge, in the event I see anything related to Jennifer Aniston.)I am also taking the day off from blogging. Please Kristina P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16144488639100871226sands14@juno.com